Interview with Dr. Dr. A. Strolog,
Professor of Extraterrestrial Astrology at Freiburg University.
Interview conducted by astrophotographer Martin Wagner, B.S. Physics
Foto-CD fŁr 18 Euro mit Łber 1000 Astronomiefotos - 6 Euro fŁr die Kindernothilfe
MW:  Greetings, Professor Dr. Strolog!
PS:     Good morning, Mr. Wagner!
MW:  Iíve heard that youíre a professor of extraterrestrial astrology.  Could you explain for a babe in the woods like me what that exactly means?
PS:    Of course!  It has to do with the most interesting and for me, the soundest area of astrological research, that is, the interpretation of the stars, as applied to other heavenly bodies such as our Earth.
MW:  What???
PS:    Yes, you heard right!  Iím researching by means of computer simulation the astrological relationship of the planets outside the Earth.
MW:  And why?
PS:    Well, the worldís population is increasing more and more, and there are already more than six billion people.  By the time there are between 10 and 15 billion, we should reach the natural limit.  Mankind must then establish like it or not colonies on other planets or moons in order to survive.
MW:  And what sort of contribution are you making?
PS:    To the extent possible, Iím trying to provide a basis for calculating all kinds of horoscopes for these heavenly bodies.  Everyone has a right to an accurate horoscope, and that must continue in the future!
MW:  And when do you think that mankind will have settlements on other planets?
PS:    Well, letís proceed logically.  The moon landing was in 1969, and NASA is planning on a manned Mars landing in 2019 to celebrate the 50th anniversary, with the goal of long-term settlement.  That presupposes that the Moon will already be settled, of course.  I calculate there will be the first permanent Moon colony around 2015.  The first Mars colony should be established then about 2040.  Progress will proceed faster and faster.
MW:  And so youíre preparing horoscopes for future Mars inhabitants!
PS:    No, not really Ė Iím only providing the theoretical basis for them.  Future astrologers must calculate them for themselves.  However, for example, I am calculating the modified Zodiac or planetary aspects, etc. 
MW:  That really sounds complicated.  Give us an example!
PS:    Well in theory, itís really quite simple.  Letís stick with the Moon.  Here, you just have to replace the influence of the Moon with the influence of the Earth.  This is theoretically just a trivial matter!
MW:  And how is that going?
PS:    Well, youíre surely familiar with the lunar calendar.  It tells us, for example, when we should go the hairdresserís, fly away on vacation, change jobs, undergo surgery, get married, get divorced, or have children.  You simply have to replace the Moonís influence with the Earthís, and presto! Ė you have it.  Itís really nothing more than a two-body problem from theoretical physics. Itís trivial!
MW:  And youíve calculated this?
PS:    Of course not, I havenít even started on it.  Iíve just turned my attention to Mars.  The Moon is simply too trivial, and I simply donít have the time for such a thing.  Let others do it!
MW:  You could give it to your students as a research project for their degree Ö
PS:    Yes, thatís a good idea.  I have one whoís in line to get a D; itíd be ideal for him.  But letís get back to Mars!
MW:  Well, Mars was the Greek and Roman god of war.  Wouldnít that result in a permanent state of war?
PS:    Theoretically youíre right   But thanks to Earth, that will never be the case.
MW:  Why not?
PS:     Earth is the planet of life and symbol of peace.  That will work against the Martian warlike influence.
MW:   Earth, the symbol of life and peace?  I never heard that from any astrologer!
PS:     And you never will!  After all, we live on Earth.  Conventional astrology pays no heed to its influence, since itís a constant.  It simply drops out of the calculation.
MW:  Yes, but if Earth is the symbol of life and peace, why is there so much war and death?
PS:    Well, you ought to be able to answer that question yourself!  Wars are a result of the influence of Mars and death from the influence of Pluto.  Pluto is the god of the underworld, so life is impossible there.
MW:  I see - I thought it was because it was so cold there.  But back to Mars.  There must be many more wars there than here!
PS:    Yes, of course.  Mars is only partly protected by Earth, and that also depends greatly on the relative position of the planets with respect to each other.  When Mars is close to us, then peace reigns.  However, when itís in conjunction with the Sun, then things get serious.  Earthís influence wanes dramatically, which is the case every other year.
MW:  Then Mars isnít really suitable for a long-term settlement, or is it?
PS:    No, not necessarily.  You see that my research is absolutely significant!  And itís not really different with the other planets.  But there are some interesting exceptions Ė Jupiter, for instance.
MW:  And why is that?
PS:    Well, just consider its four Galilean moons.  They clearly fend off the negative influences from Mars and Pluto.
MW:  Then life must be possible on Jupiter?
PS:    Yes, theoretically.  But Jupiter is unfortunately king of the planets, and simply canít stand having anyone with him, you must understand.  Theoretically, youíre right.  However, itís conceivable that there could possibly be life on one of the Jovian moons.  But then you have to take into account the influence of Jupiter and its remaining moons.
MW:  This problem, then, is certainly not as trivial as is the case with Earthís moon!
PS:     No, not entirely.  Iíve put a doctoral candidate on this case, and he should be finished with it soon.
MW:  What about the other planets?  How about Mercury, Venus, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune?  Does each one have its own astrology?
PS:    Only with respect to influences from neighboring planets.  But the same holds true for the Zodiac Ė the stars are light-years away from our solar system, so it changes nothing.
MW:  So Ariesí impact on Saturn is the same as it is on Earth?
PS:    In theory, yes, but the point of Spring lies elsewhere.  But youíve provided me with an interesting example - Saturn Ö
MW:  How so?
PS:     Well, due to love, Saturn assumes a place of prominence.  Whoever enters into a relationship there is bound forever to  it.  There is no divorce there!
MW:  Why is that so, if you will?
PS:    Why, due to Saturnís rings, of course!  Theyíre the symbol of eternal fidelity.  Once married, always married!  Youíd better think it over carefully if you get involved with a hot-blooded Saturnian!
MW:  Hum, yes Ö Well, Iíd prefer an Earthling bride then!  However, Iím naturally for lifelong fidelity, too.  But a Saturnian, I donít know Ö On the other hand, youíve now given me a nice insight into your research.
PS:    Slow down, slow down!  Weíve only talked about our own solar system this whole time.  Weíre just approaching the realm of extrasolar astrology.
MW:  I see!  Yes, this must be exciting, as I imagine.  Our Milky Way, with its billions and billions of stars and planets.  Well, your doctoral students must certainly have a lot to do!
PS:    Well, I only let competent people do this Ė thereís a lot of calculation work involved!  You have to consider all the stars, planets and moons Ö this is only for top-notch researchers.  I canít entrust it to just any run-of-the mill, incompetent astrologers.  I must therefore take most of the work upon myself.  Some things are also changing there.
MW:  Could you give me an example?
PS:    Sure.  You have to distinguish between the astrology of stars close to our Sun and those many light-years away.  Take Sirius in Canis Major, for instance, which is about 9 light-years from us.  Once you set aside the planets and moons, not much changes.  The Zodiac is theoretically always the same.
MW:  It must be quite a different story on Aldebaran.
PS:    Yes, and for two reasons! First of all, Aldebaran is significantly further away, and secondly, itís part of the constellation Taurus, the Bull.
MW:  Weíd all be steers on Aldebaran?
PS:     No, once again, youíre not thinking this through.  No one would be a steer there.  There are completely different astrological signs there.  But in one sense, you are right:  weíd all have a bull-like background Ö.
 MW:  In Taurus, there are also two well-known star clusters:  the Pleiades and the Hyaides.  How do they fit into all of this?
PS:    Thatís indeed very interesting.  There, the interactions of the planets around the individual stars are much more intensive.  This is a highly complex domain of research.  It already pushes the load limits of our mainframe computers.  And naturally, you must differentiate between open and globular star clusters Ö
MW:  Yes, M13 in Hercules, for instance, which I have already photographed myself.  In my 10Ē telescope, it looks absolutely fantastic!
PS:    The type of star cluster is reflected again in the mentality of its inhabitants.  The inhabitants of the Pleiades and Hyaides, which are of course open star clusters, are theoretically very open-minded and tolerant.  Inhabitants of globular star clusters tend to be rather cloistered. 
MW:  But why are you spending any time on this?  Surely no one will ever fly there!
PS:    Never say never!  Our technology is making tremendous progress, particularly in space travel.  I estimate that in 150 years, weíll be that far.  We must, therefore, work out the astrological foundations before then!
MW:  But thatís a long way off from now. Your son could take care of that, couldnít he?
PS:    On the one hand, yes; on the other hand, no.  Just consider for a moment the domain of dynamic astrology!  Thereís too much left to do!
MW:  Dynamic astrology??? Whatís that?
PS:    Well, just consider this.  If youíre in a spaceship flying around the speed of light, the signs of the Zodiac also change over the course of time.  Thatís what I call dynamic astrology.  And if you want to take into account all the flight routes between the individual stars, even that takes time!
MW:  Well, when I think about that, I really wouldnít want to be your sonÖ
PS:    No, thatís not meant for my son.  Iíd rather take care of it myself until I reach emeritus status.  My son will then take on the wide domain of extragalactic astrology.
MW:  Extragalactic astrology?  You mean astrology beyond our Milky Way?
PS:    Yes, of course.  We simply cannot leave these countless creatures to their own fate. 
MW:  But your supercomputers are pushing their limits, arenít they?
PS:    Yes, far and away.  Thatís why Iíve also passed this along to my son.  Heíll have access to efficient quantum computers by then.  With these tools, he would surely be overtaxed.  And just think about the required telescopes.  In order to determine the positions of individual stars in the various Milky Way systems, we need telescopes with the diameter of the Earthís circumference to guarantee a sufficiently high power of resolution.  And these are currently not available.
MW:  And certainly never will be Ö
PS:    Stop, stop, not so fast!  In theory, none of this a problem.  You simply put out a telescope in the space around the world, and another a half year later.  Then you only have to interconnect them optically and presto - youíre done.  But this is only sensible with respect to the resolution, not the light magnitude.  Youíd naturally never be able to make out a black hole with it.
MW: Calculating horoscopes out there wouldnít make any sense anyway, as no life whatsoever would exist Ö
PS:    Precisely!  Black holes also swallow up in particular the signs of the Zodiac in their vicinity.  This is the essential reason why no life is possible there.  But todayís physics simply does not want to take note of this.
MW:  Well, thank you for your statements.  Perhaps weíll meet again one day, when youíre further along with your research Ö
PS:    Just a moment, just a moment!  Iíd like to give you some insights into the domain of extra-universe astrology.
MW:  Sure, of course.  Astrological research outside the Universities Ö well, there surely must be a lot of black sheep romping about who donít come close to having the same intellectual capacity as you, Professor!
PS:    Well, Mr. Wagner, youíre still only using your limited understanding.  By extra-universe astrology, I mean of course astrology outside of our universe!!!
MW: Outside Ö our Ö universe????
PS:    Yes, logically!  Many of my conventional colleagues agree that there are a series of parallel universes.  And they all want to be related to one another, universe to universe, galaxy to galaxy, star to star, planet to planet Ö And then all the moons and comets.  And donít forget all the dark matter! 
MW: You mean these quantum computers can handle all that???
PS:    Certainly not.  Quantum computers work only at the speed of light.  In fact, youíll need tachyon computers then.  And thatís still a ways off Ö
MW:  Tachyon computers???
PS:    Yes, of course!  Tachyons are better known as superluminal particles.  Normal particles have the speed of light as an upper limit; tachyons as a lower.  Itís so simple.
MW:  With which we finally reach the limits of astrologyÖ
PS:    Well, almost, at least.  I was going to bring up eschatological astrology.
MW:  The what?
PS:    Eschatological astronomy, of course.  Eschatology is better known as the doctrine of last things.  Each planet has its otherworldly spheres Ė paradise, realm of the dead, etc.  And whose inhabitants after all also want to get their personal horoscope calculated every week.  However, as no tachyon computer is capable of that, we already need an escaton computer.  According to my theory, escatons are the carrier particles of telepathic interaction.  They form the foundation of full communication in otherworldly spheres.  This interaction is carried out differently than with tachyons, always with infinite speed.
MW:  Well, Professor, that really reaches the top!  Donít you think that at this point, youíve finally penetrated the domain of the occult?
PS:     No, not at all.  This is just as occult or non-occult as conventional astrology.  You understand, Iím just a man who wants to know everything.  I simply want to get to the bottom of things.
MW:  Professor, thanks very much for your concluding statement.  Iíll publish your interview soon on my homepage.  Iím curious what your colleagues of conventional astrology will have to say about your theses!
Martin Wagner, 23 March 2002